I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
