i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
They took my balls.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
