I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
