Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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