it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
