weddingsv make me drug and hornr
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
