I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the day after is always just damage control
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
