I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
