I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
