Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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