She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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