im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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