I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
