Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
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