I smell stomach acid.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
