so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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