I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
