I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Your tits are I can't wait for
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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