4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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