I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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