We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
