I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
