just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i think i have herpe
just one?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
