Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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