i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
