I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
