My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
