could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
