I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
