Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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