she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
