wakey wakey hands off snakey
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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