just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
