Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
