I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
