Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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