Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
