Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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