yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
