you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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