is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
