Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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