You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
