all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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