We won't sleep together?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
