I miss vodka workout Fridays
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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