So drunk its hurt
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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