yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
