I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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