I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
