i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
