i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
