It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
