i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
