Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
